ADVANCE TO THE REAR might not be the worst comedy of 1964—contenders include such un-treasures as Wild and Wonderful, Get Yourself A College Girl, The Patsy and Pajama Party—but it’s not for lack of frantically lame effort. A Civil War comedy! *

1862. After an embarrassing battlefield fiasco, the bumbling officers and fumbling enlisted men of a Union company are sent out West with other military misfits where they will be out of the way. The Confederates mistakenly think something serious is afoot and detail a sexy lady spy to join them. This leads to inadvertent heroism (the inept troops tackle Rebel raiders and ‘Injun’ allies) and instant romance between a Yankee captain (Glenn Ford) and the sexpionage gal (Stella Stevens).

Nine years old, I saw this on a double-bill with some other flick whose title escapes me: all I remember was that this was in black & white (what a cheat!) and that Stella Stevens had a bust: the irreversible awakening was underway. Today, the late Miss Stevens is about the only thing the movie has going for it, but her accentuated appearance (tip of the leer to the dress designer) and valiant comic chops are not enough to salvage appallingly bad writing, wan direction and clumsy editing. The script concocted by William Bowers and Samuel A. Peeples was hijacked from “Company Of Cowards”, a serious 1956 novel written by Shane-famed Jack Schaefer. Old-line director George Marshall (Destry Rides Again) gave up the ghost on this inanity, and despite efforts from a seasoned cast, it’s a pitiful 97-minute parade of cartoon pratfalls and dud  jokes. This makes F-Troop look like The Searchers. Box office faltered at 81st place and $3,100,000.

Trapped and doing their best with the gawdawful material are Melvyn Douglas (a career low point), Jim Backus, Andrew Prine, Joan Blondell (wasted), Alan Hale Jr., James Griffith, Michael Pate (his worst performance ever), Preston Foster (a long way from The Last Days Of Pompeii) , Whit Bissell, Jesse Pearson, Yvonne Craig (wasted), Paul Langton, Eddie Quillan, Chuck Roberson, Paul Smith and—who knew?—Britt Ekland, as a hooker.

Randy Sparks’ score did produce the song “Today”, which became a popular success for The New Christy Minstrels.

* Hee-haws from The Civil War? In 1926 Buster Keaton did The General, loosely reworked in 1948 for Red Skelton as A Southern Yankee. Reviled by critics and a major flop at the time, Buster’sCharge has been reevaluated to masterpiece status, and Red’s romp manages its slapstick silliness miles better than the aptly titled Advance To The Rear.

Yet, to each their own—this fossil has a slew of adoring reviews from “users” (average filmgoers) on the Internet Movie Date Base. Frankly astonishing. No wonder we’re at where we’re at.

It marked the 7th time Ford worked with Marshall, and is easily the weakest of the lot. The others: Texas, The Sheepman, Imitation General, It Started With A Kiss, The Gazebo and Cry For Happy.

Ford specifically asked for Stevens, who’d co-starred with him in the popular The Courtship Of Eddie’s Father. They’d team again for the barely seen 1966 drama Rage. He fared much better in his other ’64 releases, Fate Is The Hunter and Dear Heart.