ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO—–“It’s a slow-roasted pork, nothing fancy. It just happens to be my favorite, and I order it with a tequila and lime in every dive I go to in this country. And honestly, that is the best it’s ever been anywhere. In fact, it’s too good. It’s so good that when I’m finished, I’ll pay my check, walk straight into the kitchen and shoot the cook. Because that’s what I do. I restore the balance to this country.”

In fashioning the 2003 sequel to his 1995 hit Desperado audacious auteur Robert Rodriguez did a literal ‘magnificent seven’ jobs on this crazed creation: directing, writing, producing, photographing, editing, scoring and arranging the production design.  Mierda, el tipo puede hacerlo todo y hacerlo bien!

Guitar legend & pistolero extraordinaire ‘El Mariachi’ (Antonio Banderas) is hired by unflappable CIA agent ‘Sheldon Sands’ (Johnny Depp) to take out a murderous general who’s part of a plot to assassinate the Mexican president. Since the vile officer was also responsible for the death of El’s wife and daughter, brooding revenge figures in to the boiling equation, one that involves a dervish swirl of characters good, bad and ugly. To the distinct pleasure of the wink-at-wickedness audience, they’re embodied by, among others, Salma Hayek (smolder boldly–dios mio ella es hermosa!), Rubén Blades, Mickey Rourke (relaxed jauntiness), Willem Dafoe (‘Armando Barillo’), Danny Trejo (‘Cucuy’) and Eva Mendes (we surrender without a fight).

Zany action galore, clued-in performances from all concerned (Depp a deadpan standout), laughs over the intended excess, applause for the bristling camerawork, breathless editing and berserk stunts, and a major doff of the sombrero for the cool music score behind the maniacal yet inoffensive comic mayhem.

Made for $29,000,000 (4,143 times the original El Mariachi), enjoying a global return of $98,800,000. 57% of that loot was in the States, where it shot its way into 52nd place, competing against at least two dozen action-themed flicks. Of those the closest to Rodriguez’ wild style was pal Quentin Tarantino’s hell-for-leather Kill Bill:Vol.1—heck of a double-feature.

EL PRESIDENTE: “Who are you guys?”  EL MARIACHI: “Sons of Mexico, sir.”

With Cheech Marin (cantina sage), Enrique Iglesias (on flamethrower), Marco Leonardi, Julio Oscar Mechoso, Gerardo Vigil, Pedro Armendariz Jr. (‘El Presidente’) and Tony Valdez as the helpful little boy who gives Depp a hand. Input on the score came from Banderas, Blades and Depp, and Hayek sang “Siente Mi Amor”. Anytime, Salma…