All done up with nowhere to go

NINE—–more like a Two. I have nothing against musicals, but I kind of like it when they have..uh..songs…that are actually halfway decent.  Remember what it was like to hum? Despite its sterling cast, I found this a colossal, charmless, lurching bore. Based off the life and loves of Federico Fellini, its loud, indulgent 113 minutes consumed $80,000,000, but the worldwide answer of just $54,000,000 pronounced sentence.nine-movie-still-kate-hudson-nine-2009-13723062-1264-527

Directed by Rob Marshall, who still owes us from Chicago (yet a work of art next to this). How do you make a boring-to-tears sandwich with the following actors: Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Judi Dench and Sophia Loren?

Still, it conned Oscar nominations for Supporting Actress (Cruz), Art Direction, Costume Design and Song (“Take It All”).  Penelope C has a sizzle-hot number that she puts her all into: she’d tame a tiger but the song itself is one of those frickin’ belters without any melody (turn off the sound and just watch her slink). Every other number sounds just like the next. I’m at a loss with this one. With Kate Hudson and Fergie.


Cruz control feature


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