POSEIDON  exists for two reasons. One is to make money off the rusting hulk of The Poseidon Adventure. So, business gamble demands remake. Got it. Two is to show how fabulously modern CGI effects can simulate an ocean liner being capsized by a giant wave.

I’ll take door #2 for $160,000,000, the amount spent on this 2006 update of the 1972 goofy classic. You really don’t think we care too much about which and how many cast members are going to persevere their way through an upstacked deck?

Well, food poisoning is not such a big deal now…

Actually, it’s pretty good (with one truly Wow’za element), under director Wolfgang Peterson’s assured eye for visual impact. The cast deliver professionally, and thank the Gods of the Deep that no-one as sink-deserving as Shelley Winters or Red Buttons swims up this time. We get Josh Lucas (solid hero dude), Kurt Russell, Jacinda Barett, Richard Dreyfuss, Emmy Rossum; everyone works without fault.

Teeth grit-off

Music from Klaus Badelt suits it, the “what now?” situations presented this time around have requisite effort, and the 98 minutes slickly tick their tricks, shaving 19 minutes off the previous version. We do miss Ernest Borgnine and Stella Stevens arguing, and Borgnine and Gene Hackman arguing—hey, we miss Borgnine.

Ah yes, Reason #2, the special effects of the ship getting pasted? Dig it, they are Awesome-of-the-pre-jaded-variety-awesomes.

With Kevin Dillon, Andre Braugher, Mia Maestro and Fergie. Those Visual Effects were Oscar nominated, losing without disgrace in a fair broadside from the second crew of Depp’s pirates.