HOUSE OF WAX has someone tell foolishly inquisitive Phyllis Kirk “You shouldn’t have done that, my dear.” When the politely phrased scold is velvet tone delivered with calmly certain sincerity by Vincent Price you know the lady’s in a fix, literally ‘fit to be tied’. The 1953 remake of 1933’s Mystery Of The Wax Museum was not the first 3-D movie, nor the best, but it remains the most famous example of the wave that surged into ’53, and its clever combo of chills, creepiness and comedy wow’d audiences with effects alternately startling, eerie and humorous. A palette of macabre elements backed by newfangled ‘Stereophonic Sound!’ made for the year’s 3rd biggest hit. *

New York City, the early 1900’s. Though badly burned, ‘Professor Henry Jarrod’ (Price, 41) manages to survive attempted murder when arson destroys his wax museum and his lovingly crafted replicas of historical figures. A wealthy partner backs Jarrod’s rebuilt museum, but trouble comes with success after visitor ‘Sue Allen’ (Kirk, 25) senses something too real in one of Jarrod’s creations, a Joan of Arc with a nearly exact resemblance to Sue’s recently murdered roommate, a lady who coincidentally had been engaged to the man who set the fire, and whose own sudden death was out of the ordinary. ‘Detective Lieutenant Tom Brennan’ (Frank Lovejoy) begins to put clues together.

Urbane and imposing, precise and off-center, Price is perfectly cast as an ingenious but twisted talent, a connoisseur of not just skillfully rendered art but of crime and cruelty as reflected in his museum’s choices of subjects. Though this gimmick picture didn’t start Vincent’s slew of horror flicks (they kicked in five years later with The Fly) its huge success at the box office boosted him up a notch after years of laboring in showy secondary roles in a wide variety of productions. Bright and attractive Kirk does well (her most noteworthy part in a brief screen career), and the supporting cast is able, with the biggest impression made by 22-year-old Carolyn Jones in her first credited role. She’s delightful as flirty tease ‘Cathy Gray’, who has the bad luck to resemble history’s best-known fire victim. Jones, equipped with a wonderfully exaggerated giggle, has a scene where she’s cinched up in a corset so hourglass tight it makes Scarlett O’Hara’s wasp waist look plump. Bigger parts followed that revealed her dramatic range.

The visual effects are amusing, and seen in the intended format the sense of depth adds greatly to the suspense highlights, thanks to the astute styling from director Andre de Toth and vetted cameramen Bert Glennon (The Scarlet Empress, The Hurricane, Drums Along The Mohawk) and Peverell Marley (Swamp Water, The Charge At Feather River, The Spirit Of St. Louis). Ironically, de Toth was blind in one eye and lacked depth perception. As Price related, “It’s almost my favorite Hollywood story. Where else in the world would you hire a man with one eye to direct a picture in 3-D?”

While obviously designed to be presented in its specialized format, and is best enjoyed that way, the show still has enough flair to hold attention in ‘flat’ viewing, and the actors deserve applause. David Buttolph’s dramatic score takes full advantage of stereo’s aural appeal. The satisfactory script by Crane Wilbur was based on Charles S. Belden’s short story “The Wax Works” as well as the stylish ’33 creeper directed by Michael Curtiz.

Topped only by the wide-screen reveal of The Robe and the for-grownups drama in From Here To Eternity, the gross racked $30,300,000, a grand slam against the $618,000 cost. The brothers Warner smiled on the limo ride to the bank.

88 ‘neato’ minutes, with Paul Picerni, Roy Roberts, Paul Cavanagh, Dabbs Greer, Charles Bronson (unsettling as deaf mute assistant ‘Ygor’), Reggie Rymal (the barker with the paddle-ball zapping at your face) and Frank Ferguson. Remade, after a fashion, in 2005, directed by Jaume Collet-Serra.

* Ask your significant to call your phone in order for you to locate it and then share with your best friend that you spent a half-hour searching for your glasses only to find they were not in the attic, bathroom or refrigerator but on top of your head. Viola! You’re in the age range to recall or at least know of Arthur Godfrey, who had the 2nd & 3rd top-rated TV programs in 1952-3, flanked by I Love Lucy and Dragnet. Flummoxed by audiences staying home to be enraptured by the boobs on the tube, The Movies struck back with a double-barrel blast in 1953. CinemaScope ‘opened wide’ The Robe, the year’s #1 attraction, and after a doofy launch the year before with Bwana Devil (“A LION  in your lap! A LOVER in your arms!”) the pan-flashing 3-D reached out and touched retinas with over three dozen doozies, including Hondo, The Charge At Feather River, It Came From Outer Space, Sangaree, Man In The Dark, Robot Monster, Miss Sadie Thompson, Inferno, Money From Home, The French Line and Kiss Me Kate.  In terms of quality Hondo and Kiss Me Kate rate best, the immortal Robot Monster easily the rock’s bottom. But the nifty nastiness in House Of Wax rules as the one most readily identified with the craze, and it’s still fun well into the next century. If there’s something to regret over the rapid rise and quick fall of the format it’s that the sensation-keen studios somehow overlooked the vision-test possibilities posed by natural wonders Sophia Loren, Jayne Mansfield or maybe that French scamp Brigitte. Wise elders wonder. Now where in the hell is that frickin’ remote?