THE OPPOSITE SEX, in this case, the female of the species (pre-‘controversy’:do stow your alarm), as in The Women, the 1939 hit of which this 1956 groaner is a glossy remake. MGM plowed in $2,834,000. It’s star-laden, in Metrocolor and CinemaScope! Men are added this time! And Musical Numbers! The ad campaign screeched “FAST, FRANK and FUNNY!”  Too bad it isn’t any of those.

The screenplay by Fay & Michael Kanin retooled the ’39 film and the Clare Booth play that hatched it: David Miller directed (he captained another expensive flop that year, Diane) but other than ample gazing of gams—chiefly those wielded by co-lead Joan Collins (the plot’s vixen), wisecracking featured hottie Carolyn Jones and unbilled starlets (Barrie Chase and Leslie Parrish, along with ‘The Goldwyn Girls’)—some gaudy/goofy/teasy costuming and valiant struggling from the pro cast, it’s chief passing value is as a curio of the era.

“Yellow Gold”–a song & dance about bananas being sexy: possibly as dumb as a number about sexy bananas could be

Huddled around fire in the Mancave Wilderness, we ‘Thals grunt not being warmed by the overrated 1939 catfight, yet concede it’s hisses & claws fare better than the stale brunch this served up. Top-billed June Allyson is the put-upon fawn this time, her brand of coy cutes undone by a mousy hairdo and hats your bible-thumping great-aunt in Kansas would reject as dumpy. She’s upstaged by glamorously wicked Collins, shown to advantage over everyone else thanks to color, costuming, curves and her clever awareness of all three. Stuck in prattle array are Dolores Gray (garishly done up to look and act like the True Detective concept of a drag queen, paging the Empress of the Tri-State Area); Ann Sheridan (always adept, even in this dross, at 40 reduced from the saucy ‘Oomph Girl’ of the Warner’s 30s to a sexless 50s MGM version of a ‘career woman’); Ann Miller (filler, with…huh? no dancing?); Agnes Moorehead (paycheck hen-cluck duty, was Eve Arden busy?); Joan Blondell (game as ever in a lame part); and Charlotte Greenwood (so dang ‘down home country’ hearty you’ll get hay fever). Token icky man-persons include Leslie Nielsen (asked to cheat on June with Joan—like it’s a choice?) and Jeff Richards, forced to ‘sing’—dubbed—one of the six e-gad musical numbers, the never-remembered “Rock and Roll Tumbleweed”. Poor Dick Shawn has his feature debut in a terrible comic sketch called “The Psychiatrist”. He’d recover, you have a 50-50 chance.

Reviews yawned, and the $5,000,000 take (61st for the year) wasn’t enough to cover the ritzy outlay. The best-known scene takes place when Allyson slaps Collins. Thanks to (according to Joan) director Miller’s instructions, June whacked Joan hard enough to fell a wrestler. The clip is worth visiting.

With Sam Levene (even when he underlays he overacts), Barbara Jo Allen (aka ‘Vera Vague’), Jim Backus, Harry James, Art Mooney, Alice Pearce, Dolores Fuller (of Ed Wood fame), Bill Goodwin, Sandy Descher (ant-freaked kid from Them!), Dean Jones, Juanita Moore This good-looking dud is not to be confused with another non-event with the same title, a 2014 micro-mini, which effectively de-materialized. 117 minutes.

* Back in ’56, director David Miller had Metro egg-upon-kisser when between this and Diane the studio lost $4,173,000. Miller’s track record is pretty weak, with two notable exceptions being Sudden Fear and Lonely Are The Brave. It helps to have decent material.https://youtu.be/0FNbmkQISpw?si=OipvlFEaiovlD7QB

Emerging from TV, 29-year-old Leslie Nielsen was feature-launched by MGM into three more pictures that year: Forbidden Planet (yay!), The Vagabond King (ixnay!) and Ransom! (OK).

Having logged 20 bits and small roles since 1948, after a decent part in Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, the studio gave hunkish Jeff Richards a leg up with this, but his career shortly faltered and never recovered.

https://youtu.be/0FNbmkQISpw?si=OipvlFEaiovlD7QB