THE ITALIAN JOB, the 2003 remake, competed that year against the auto action of 2 Fast 2 Furious and Bad Boys II, tagging 23rd place in the States ($106,129,000) with $69,942,000 forked over abroad. It had to score a haul because 34 years of inflation boosted the $3,000,000 price tag from the ’69 original up to $60,000,000 for the new model, with several hot actors instead of one, high-tech folderol, a higher violence quotient and a ‘down with it’ urban American flavor instead of insular Brit cheek. It’s also smug and obvious, blur edited, frat boy sexist and dumbed down, with a Venice beginning shifting to L.A. environs for the bulk of the 110 minutes since the modern audience for this sort of retread claptrap collectively lacks geographic/historic/cultural I.Q. that can’t find Italy with a map. Make that Google.

After a daring gold theft in Venice, the crew of veteran thief ‘John Bridger’ (Donald Sutherland) is betrayed by associate ‘Steve Frazelli’ (Edward Norton), who believes he’s left them all dead. However, John’s heir apparent ‘Charlie Croker’ (Mark Wahlberg) and loyalists (Jason Statham, Mos Def, Seth Green) survive ambush and plot payback, which will take place in Los Angeles, and involve ‘Stella’ (Charlize Theron), Bridger’s safecracker daughter. As in the Michael Caine original, a batch of Mini Coopers will be the transport gimmick.

Donna & Wayne Powers went thru 18 drafts to come up with the script; they should’ve gone for nineteen. The variable F. Gary Gray directed: his wins (The Negotiator, Law Abiding Citizen, The Fate Of The Furious) balanced by duds (Men In Black: International, Set It Off, Be Cool). Add this hand Job to the discard pile.

Pandering yawner features Wahlberg, Norton (he hated it), Statham and Sutherland coasting through their poorly conceived roles with minimal conviction. Comic relievers Def and Green show more flair and Theron, besides looking to steal for, seems to care enough about her craft to turn in decent work. Along with Theron, Def and Green, Wally Pfister’s cinematography is creditable, what you can enjoy when the spastic editing allows.

With Franky G, Boris Lee Krutonog, Aleksander Krupa, Gawtti. The overrated 1969 picture is more entertaining than this slick but empty ripoff homage.