Kin

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KIN, a third cousin/twice removed from anything like entertaining, crashed the crime drama-meets-sci-fi family reunion in 2018 and was promptly told by critics and audiences to go freeload somewhere else. Costing $30,000,000, this obnoxious step-child only mooched $10,000,000 back, conning into 150th place for the year. Don’t let the door hit you in the keister on the way out…

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Directed, in their feature debut, by brothers Jonathan & Josh Baker, who’d done some shorts, including Bag Man, which this was based on. The Coens have nothing to worry about. Screenplay is the work of Daniel Casey.

Teenager ‘Eli Solinski’ (Myles Truitt) stumbled upon a powerful weapon, clearly Not of This Earth, and it comes in handy when he and his adoptive older brother (and ex-con) ‘Jimmy’ (Jack Reynor) are pursued by vicious thugs (led by James Franco) who have already killed their dad (Dennis Quaid). Not bad enough, Federal agents and mercenary types from Somewhere are also hot to seize them–or is that lethal space-toy, basically a ray-gun, that they’re after?  The brothers have a tag-along in the form (or shape of) a friendly stripper, played by Zoe Kravitz.

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Decent work from Franco, Kravitz and Quaid can’t save the disjointed, dispiriting, logic-absent and needlessly violent mess from the scrapheap of ideas that should never have been green-lit to start with. Road trip meets chase meets brother-binding meets gunfights meets aliens meets jokiness meets, oh,yeah, a stripper who cares. We bow to honor a great line from critic Jeff York: “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with an intergalactic laser cannon.”

102 minutes, with Carrie Coon, Michael B. Jordan, Carleigh Beverly, Ian Matthews and Lily Gao. One of the movie’s advertising tag lines was “Some things aren’t meant to be found“. Like, well, Kin.

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