VALENTINE’S DAY ——director Garry Marshall and writer Katherine Fugate open a box of stale chocolates in this 2010 thwonk, inviting a game star cast to dinner and leaving them next-to-nothing to eat. Assume they got paid (a lot). Marshall’s diet bon bon makes for brain cavities in a teeth-grinding way to ruin 125 minutes (it seems to last forever) that intertwines a slew of stories and has you care about exactly none of them. Flat from one end to the the other. Add sap.
It threw $52,000,000 into the mix, and despite negative reviews, was a hit, making $216,500,000 from hopeful romantics and hapless dragooned mates. Critic Dave Wright had a perfect response: “Go watch My Bloody Valentine instead.” Marshall, whose comedy-handling chops had evaporated, next turned New Year’s Eve into a de-celebration.
With Jamie Foxx, Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper, Shirley MacLaine, Jessica Alba, Patrick Dempsey, Jessica Biel (best in the cast), Kathy Bates, Hector Elizondo, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Swift, Emma Roberts, Taylor Lautner, Carter Jenkins, George Lopez, Larry Miller and Eric Dane. A near total waste. Best thing to do with this one is give it as a mean present to somebody who doesn’t like the holiday to start with.