THE HOBBIT, or if you want to be an orc about it, ‘The Hobbled: A Journey To Overkill’. The lure of the rings was just too much for director Peter Jackson. After his magnificent triumph with The Lord Of The Rings and even its more stunning sequels, Jackson & company (credit scrolls list seemingly half of New Zealand) took on J.R.R. Tolkien’s 1937 opener, turning the 310-page classic into a laborious wallow, dragging the singular story out to three long movies spread over as many years. Around Middle Earth in 474 Minutes, 532 extended. What was brilliantly rendered in the earlier trio of epics, each one covering a separate volume that followed up on “The Hobbit”, worked much less effectively on a return slog. Despite enough money lavished to pay for location filming on Neptune, with impassioned acting by new cast members and the return of fave actors as beloved characters, outfitted and backed by everything you could ask for in scenery, art direction, costumes, makeup, music scoring, sound, monsters and battles—it ranks with the second trio of Star Wars pictures as a giant-sized, lovingly crafted ten-ton tomato. Too expertly produced and performed to dismiss as a dud, too achingly familiar and plodding to qualify as a win. A cake that’s all frosting. The topping is yummy, but after fifteen spoonfuls you’re asked to gorge fifty more. Without milk. Taste buds blink, then numb out.

Besides the overwhelming directorial chore, Jackson co-produced and co-wrote, the latter with Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens and Guillermo del Toro, who was slated to direct but eventually dropped out over scheduling delays. Martin Freeman joins the lineup as a young ‘Bilbo Baggins’ (with LOTR’s Ian Holm doing a framing cameo as the older Baggins) and many new characters and cast members came aboard with a loyal group from the earlier trio reprising. Newbies include Richard Armitage, Evangeline Lilly, Luke Evans, Ryan Gage, Benedict Cumberbatch (voice), Billy Connolly and Manu Bennett. Coming back for more are Ian McKellan, Andy Serkis, Cate Blanchett, Orlando Bloom, Hugo Weaving, Christopher Lee and Elijah Wood.

Critical and fan reception was mixed, box office guaranteed, trophy collecting absent other than being considered. THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY arrived in 2012, running 169 minutes, 13 more in the DVD edition. The production cost was $200,000,000. Placing 5th in North America with a gross of $303,031,000, the $714,000,000 earned elsewhere nudged it to #4 worldwide. Oscar nominations came for Makeup/Hairstyling, Production Design and Visual Effects.  THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG showed up in 2013. 161 minutes theatrically, 25 more on disc. Cost: $250,000,000. It placed 8th in the States and Canada ($258,387,000) with $700,641,000 from abroad pushing it into spot #4. Sound Editing, Sound Mixing and Visual Effects were up for Oscars. Concluding in 2014, THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES clocked 144 minutes in theaters, 164 extended. $250,000,000 expended brought back $255,138,000 in North America, $707,063,000 in other countries. respectively 6th and 2nd for the year. Just one Academy Award nominations was earned, for Sound Editing.

For those who loved these, this brief recital of factoids won’t sit well, let alone wielding a lukewarm reception; there’s enough material available online and in print to dig up to heart’s content. For those who applaud the solid aspects of the three yet were unmoved by the revisiting, saying more isn’t necessary. While the well-delivered but dramatically hollow portents of doom and destiny didn’t stir us this time around, we’ll grant that another look down the road a piece might sway nay back to aye: since we won’t be expecting something fresh in its romantic heroism and CGI’d magic we will likely relax into the feast of production details. In the meantime, Jackson and his helpers are preparing a new entry to the saga, slated for 2027, with more lurking in the forests beyond. Q: How is it that big, heavily armed and armored orcs can be so easily sliced and diced?  I know, I know….