“EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX * (*But were afraid to ask)” came about after Woody Allen and Diane Keaton (his girlfriend at the time) had come home from a basketball game and were watching TV in bed. Dr. David Reuben was on, talking about his book (with the surefire title), a publishing phenomenon whose 368 pages of 1,000 Q&A’s on what everyone wanted to know at least a thing or about would reach, teach, amuse, confuse and upset over 150,000,000 readers worldwide. Woody thought it would make for a vignette style farce, and bought the rights from Elliott Gould, who’d first secured them from Reuben. This was Allen’s 4th time both directing as well writing a movie, and in his handling of the various segments he shows his growing stylistic confidence as they each require their own specific look, scale and pace. They’re all silly and clever, some are quite funny: it’s a definite audience pleaser with not just the obvious lure of subject matter but his increased film-making skill drawing attention and applause. Made for $2,000,000, the domestic gross laughed up a take of $25,800,000, the 13th largest in 1972. *

The seven ‘chapters’

Do Aphrodisiacs Work? is set in Medieval times, with Allen jesting as ‘The Fool’, using a love potion to convince ‘The Queen’ (Lynn Redgrave) to shed her chastity belt. Alas, ‘The King’ (Anthony Quayle) doth pick a pregnant moment to stride forth. One liners and slapstick aboundeth.   “T.B. or not T.B. That is the congestion. Consumption be done about it? Of cough. Of cough.”

What Is Sodomy? is one of the funniest. STAVROS MILOS: “I took Daisy off to a little cove and there, under the Armenian sky, had sexual intercourse.”  DR. ROSS: With the sheep?”   STAVROS: “Naturally. It was the greatest lay I ever had!”  Sad shepherd Milos (Titos Vandis) is fraught that his sheepfriend ‘Daisy’, after losing innocence has also lost interest. Asked to help, initially stunned ‘Dr. Ross’ (Gene Wilder, perfect) finds a whole new world of wooly wonderment, but like the besotted teacher of The Blue Angel, what’s been pulled over the deluded doctors eyes will lead him to shame and ruin. “The defendant did commit an adulterous act with a sheep – most distasteful in view of the fact that the sheep was under 18 years old.”

Why Do Some Women Have Trouble Reaching an Orgasm? A smartly edited homage-sendup of chic Italian dramas ala Fellini and Antonioni has Woody as carnally compromised ‘Fabrizio’, beseeching friends about the trouble ‘Gina’ (Louise Lasser, Allen’s ex-wife) has in letting go with a Big O. Even The Church cannot help. Maybe the key to reverie lies in broad daylight, public servicing? Lotsa chuckles.

Are Transvestites Homosexuals?  Lou Jacobi makes the most of this one. ‘Sam Musgrave’ has something he keeps close to the vest—or blouse. He enjoys dressing up in women’s clothes, capering about in frilly secrecy—he hopes? No doubt this segment may twerk the easily offended in today’s alphabet soup of letter-designated pastimes. But it wasn’t meant to, so to the one dip out of 1,000 who has a tough time with it—man up, or at least find heels to match that belt. Jacobi has a good time with it. “Sam, we’ve been married for years. I love you. You love me. You could have come to me and said, “Tess, I have a diseased mind. I’m a sick individual. I need help. I need treatment. I’m perverted. I’m unfit to function with normal, decent people.” I would have understood.”

What Are Sex Perverts?  Not as amusing as the others, but cleverly shot and performed, this one, filmed in black & white kinescope-style, recreates the look of one of the dorky game shows of the day and includes good sport panelists Regis Philbin, Robert Q. Lewis and Pamela Mason asking questions of host Jack Barry’s guests on “What’s My Perversion?”  So-so, with some smiles.

Are the Findings of Doctors and Clinics Who Do Sexual Research and Experiments Accurate?   Sex researcher ‘Victor’ (Allen) and journalist ‘Helen Lacey’ (Heather MacRae) visit ‘Dr. Bernardo’ (John Carradine), who used to work for Masters and Johnson but found sanity too constricting: he has his own lab in the isolated countryside conducting bizarre experiments around sex. The young people escape the slavering madman, only to be pursued by his literally greatest creation, a gigantic breast that goes on a monstrous mammillary rampage. Daffy poke at old sci-fi epics is hardly subtle, but it brought down the house in theaters.

What Happens During Ejaculation? Along with Gene & Daisy, this elaborate finish is the most fun. It does a sex act version of Fantastic Voyage, as some nervous guy tries to get it on with his hot date aka ‘The Girl’ (Erin Fleming, 31, the sexy companion/manager of Groucho Marx, and a paranoid schizophrenic who went completely insane).   THE GIRL: “For me, Norman Mailer has exactly that same sort of relevance – that affirmative, negative duality that only Proust or Flaubert could achieve.”   THE OPERATOR: “I don’t know if we’re gonna make it or not, doesn’t look too good.”   THE GIRL: “I’m a graduate of New York University.”    THE OPERATOR: “We’re gonna make it.”   The insiders view has clever sets representing the brain, stomach, mouth, eyes and penis, where Woody plays one of the sperm destined for a likely suicide mission—if the fellow in question can perform as the situation demands. In the brain, trying to manage things to a ‘let’s toast ourselves’ climax are ‘The Operator’ (Tony Randall) and the ‘Sperm Switchboard Chief’ (Burt Reynolds).  “Can we please have an erection? What the hell is going on down there?”

In the 88 minute flurry: Sidney Miller, Jay Robinson (sputtering outrage as The Priest messing with the Conscience & Guilt reflex during intercourse), Oscar Beregi, Stanley Adams, Dort Clark, Don Chuy, Geoffrey Holder, Baruch Lumet, Robert Walden and Norman Alden.

* Allen: “I know that the doctor who wrote the book hated the movie. I don’t know why. I guess he thought it was trivial or foolish or silly. But, you know, this book was silly also, and if he had really cared about it, he wouldn’t have sold it to the movies.” Allen is also quoted as saying the movie included “every funny idea I’ve ever had about sex, including several that led to my own divorce.”

Reuben’s bedroom bible was the $1 bestseller for 55 weeks, and ultimately was one of the all-time bestsellers in America. Chairman Mao’s fervent millions had a Little Red Book to instruct them. Ours was yellow.

1972 also saw Allen starring in the much more refined comedy hit Play It Again, Sam, which racked spot #22 for the year. He wrote that one (first as a play) and teamed on screen with Diane Keaton (26, her breakout year included The Godfather) for the first of eight times. It was directed by Herbert Ross, and was the last of Allen’s projects that Woody didn’t direct himself.